I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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