i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
