Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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