I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
