I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
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how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
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I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
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