She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
It's rum buckets o'clock
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.