i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea