even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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