Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
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