the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
