My friends, they love my intelligence
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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