i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
