Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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