Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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