The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
