Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
