Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I'm drive I can fine osifer
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Randomize
