After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
