Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
