you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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