Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
