HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
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