I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
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