Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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