Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
