Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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