I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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