we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
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I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
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They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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