woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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