my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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