My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I want to fling myself into the sun
I'm bleeding and have questions
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
