He is such a slut. More and more my type.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
