i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Randomize
