Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
