Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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