please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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