You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I need a hoe opinion
go on
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
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