we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
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