kristin has been a bad kristin
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
