I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
