i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Randomize
