I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
