first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
