dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
