i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
