I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
