How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
