it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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