i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
He did a backflip because drugs
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
