Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
