i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
