So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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