dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
