Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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