I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
