the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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