Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
