drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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