she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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