FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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