9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I can feel your judgement through the phone
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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