cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Randomize
