the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
