C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
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