If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Randomize
