i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
