it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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