PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
