oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
