Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
