This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
