he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
