Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Randomize
