Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
