I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
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