Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
